tempora mutantur, et nos mutamur in illis

It seems cliche, but it really is strange to realize the year is almost halfway done - and what a busy year it has been so far! I know I've definitely written about it before here, but it seems especially true in 2026 that the more things change, the more they stay the same (side note, this post is just chockful of cliches at the moment, so please bare with me); that in and of itself is rather funny, as its most definitely been a year of change.

Before we get into the changes, it only seems fair to get into literally everything else.

So what's really been going on, in between work and travel? A lot of planning and reflection, to absolutely no surprise for anyone who knows me. It's not unusual for me to jump back into old projects when my anxiety levels are high, and with everything going on in the world and with the economy, this year has been no exception. There were losses (pour one out for my Phoenix Minolta, which finally gave up the ghost in the last few months), but with those came some nice surprises (a rescued Canon AE-1 that I've been shooting happily with in the meantime). For the Book Project, which has long been my most active continuous physical project, I've had the opportunity to also jump back into the digitalization, which has been on pause for a number of years simply due to timing and honest procrastination. It's been giving me so much perspective on where I've been and where I want to continue to go - I've been so stagnate in terms of my thought processes, it's been nice to jump back a few years mentally and apply that same sort of inspiration to what I want to do next.

That really dovetails nicely into the change portion of 2026; not to completely bury the lead, but I'm really invigorated regarding what's to come in the back half of the year (with promises of more frequent updates). Although I'm not completely where I want to be yet, this is honestly the most excited I've been about change in ages. It's funny, since although some of my recent anxiety has been about the future, I'm optimistic as well, which is where I think all of my current inspiration is coming from. The perspective of everything is a nice combination of where I've come from to where I'm going. It's a happily weird space to reside in creatively.

A debate...

I've been debating writing this for a while now. As I've mentioned in an earlier post, I've been working under the assumption that 2016 was a year of change for me. It has to be said that not all changes are good, no matter how much you believe they are when they happen.

And that left me with the question - when is the best time to realize that a change for the better is actually for the worse? What happens when you needed a change to happen regardless - does it really matter if the first door that opens leads you into a burning room rather than where you want to be?

In this case, I decided I still needed a change, if only because every experience is exactly that: an experience. I've always been taught that there are lessons that can be learned regardless of your situation, so if it means I'm in a room on fire, I've had enough experience to figure my way out of it.

So maybe in the end I was wrong - maybe 2016 was just another chain of experiences leading to the changes I actually needed to make 2017 the year for me. Only time will tell.

"If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you."

It feels kind of corny titling a blog post with a quote (the one above is credited to Fred deVito), especially a quote that is probably on one of those "inspirational" posters hanging in your high school guidance counselor's office, but this where I stand at the moment.

After making some changes that I knew were necessary, I find myself in a quandry. When do you get to say that after all of the changes you've made to better yourself, you might have actually made the wrong decision? And I'm not saying I made a mistake - it was a change that needed to be made, after all, and I don't regret making it - but I think I made the wrong choice (and no matter what anyone tells you, there is a difference between making a mistake and making the wrong choice).

"I've never really considered myself to be a quitter."

And speaking of quotes, that's another that I've heard lately. And although those words didn't come out of my mouth, I find I've been turning them over and over (and over) in my own head. When is enough actually enough?

I know what I'm good at. I also know that in the last year especially, I've been questioning what I'm meant to do. Do I need more experience? Do I need to go back into art full time? Do I need to find a job that I love, where I'm able to do both? Do I go back to school?

I've said before that this year is about change for me. So I'm taking it as a positive that I've made changes, and still thinking about making more. I don't know what's going to happen next - but I've always been up to the challenge of figuring it out.

2016

For those who don't know, my father's long battle with cancer ended just a few months ago. Losing my dad has brought about a lot of change in my life in such a short amount of time. Although any type of change is scary, I can't help but think these last few weeks have been his way of kicking my ass into gear, so to speak.

I have gotten comfortable being where I am, rather than searching out for where I need to be, what I need to be doing, accomplishing. Although I'm not unhappy, I have been given a very unique opportunity. Not to sound cliche, but it seems death really does seem to put things in perspective. Change is good, and has been coming for me for a while, even if everything is just now coming into focus.

First things first! I'm in the process of overhauling a whole bunch of galleries on the website. Although my art has been overshadowed by life (especially in the last year), I have been working on things progressively, albeit in the background. As such, things are starting to come back into the forefront. I've got a backlog of new film just sitting in my room, waiting to be digitized and shared with the world, and I've also got a new print/design series that's been cogitating for the last few months, too. Both of these projects should be appearing in the next three months or so, and yes, I'm giving people permission to yell at me if they don't appear.

While I usually loathe the practice of giving myself a new years resolution (seeing as I may sometimes be known for falling into a thought just as quickly as I fall out of it, haha), I can't help but see the beginning of this year as a gift.

So here's to 2016, and to change, and to opportunity. And always, to Joe.