A debate...

I've been debating writing this for a while now. As I've mentioned in an earlier post, I've been working under the assumption that 2016 was a year of change for me. It has to be said that not all changes are good, no matter how much you believe they are when they happen.

And that left me with the question - when is the best time to realize that a change for the better is actually for the worse? What happens when you needed a change to happen regardless - does it really matter if the first door that opens leads you into a burning room rather than where you want to be?

In this case, I decided I still needed a change, if only because every experience is exactly that: an experience. I've always been taught that there are lessons that can be learned regardless of your situation, so if it means I'm in a room on fire, I've had enough experience to figure my way out of it.

So maybe in the end I was wrong - maybe 2016 was just another chain of experiences leading to the changes I actually needed to make 2017 the year for me. Only time will tell.

"If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you."

It feels kind of corny titling a blog post with a quote (the one above is credited to Fred deVito), especially a quote that is probably on one of those "inspirational" posters hanging in your high school guidance counselor's office, but this where I stand at the moment.

After making some changes that I knew were necessary, I find myself in a quandry. When do you get to say that after all of the changes you've made to better yourself, you might have actually made the wrong decision? And I'm not saying I made a mistake - it was a change that needed to be made, after all, and I don't regret making it - but I think I made the wrong choice (and no matter what anyone tells you, there is a difference between making a mistake and making the wrong choice).

"I've never really considered myself to be a quitter."

And speaking of quotes, that's another that I've heard lately. And although those words didn't come out of my mouth, I find I've been turning them over and over (and over) in my own head. When is enough actually enough?

I know what I'm good at. I also know that in the last year especially, I've been questioning what I'm meant to do. Do I need more experience? Do I need to go back into art full time? Do I need to find a job that I love, where I'm able to do both? Do I go back to school?

I've said before that this year is about change for me. So I'm taking it as a positive that I've made changes, and still thinking about making more. I don't know what's going to happen next - but I've always been up to the challenge of figuring it out.

2016

For those who don't know, my father's long battle with cancer ended just a few months ago. Losing my dad has brought about a lot of change in my life in such a short amount of time. Although any type of change is scary, I can't help but think these last few weeks have been his way of kicking my ass into gear, so to speak.

I have gotten comfortable being where I am, rather than searching out for where I need to be, what I need to be doing, accomplishing. Although I'm not unhappy, I have been given a very unique opportunity. Not to sound cliche, but it seems death really does seem to put things in perspective. Change is good, and has been coming for me for a while, even if everything is just now coming into focus.

First things first! I'm in the process of overhauling a whole bunch of galleries on the website. Although my art has been overshadowed by life (especially in the last year), I have been working on things progressively, albeit in the background. As such, things are starting to come back into the forefront. I've got a backlog of new film just sitting in my room, waiting to be digitized and shared with the world, and I've also got a new print/design series that's been cogitating for the last few months, too. Both of these projects should be appearing in the next three months or so, and yes, I'm giving people permission to yell at me if they don't appear.

While I usually loathe the practice of giving myself a new years resolution (seeing as I may sometimes be known for falling into a thought just as quickly as I fall out of it, haha), I can't help but see the beginning of this year as a gift.

So here's to 2016, and to change, and to opportunity. And always, to Joe.